HUMANS ARE ASSHOLES!!!

Ho Ho Ho and all of that crap.

No I have not jumped the gun, I know its not Christmas yet you assholes, but I wanted to write this well before Christmas arrives as a public service bulletin for those of you suckers with children.

When I was a kid, Santa Claus was god to me. I thought that fat bastard was probably the coolest guy ever to roam this stupid ass planet. What else could be as cool as making toys all day and living at the north pole with elves for slaves? I dont think it gets much better than that. Anyway, yeah, Santa was ok in my book cause he always left me presents and cool stuff. I guess if it wasnt for my parents, I would have probably hated Santa. Well, I'm all grown up now and to be perfectly honest, I think "SANTA" is actually a perverted fat rotten bastard who enjoys having small children sit on his lap.

Have you ever seen the types of people that stores get to play santa? I swear they get all of these guys from the local soup kitchen or maybe, the police department lets all criminals out of prison so they can put on red suits and molest children. I dont have children of my own as of yet but if I did I would never allow some disgusting "stranger" who plays santa come near my kids. Its insane!!! You have no idea who these people are and I highly doubt that they run a criminal history report for the job of santa. These guys could be child molesters for all we know! I know that the few I went to see as a kid had a funny smell on them. How would I explain that smell?? Uh, liquor maybe? So not only are these assholes possible child molesters, they are DRUNK child molesters! Oh happy day! Why are people (assholes) so stupid? If you really want to make your child believe in a ficticious fat elf, why dont you dress your dumb ass in a santa suit and play the character instead of handing your child over to some drunk fruit cake at the mall? I think the reason you dont do it yourself is because its "too much trouble" to do the right thing and interact with your children. Its much easier to throw your kid at some fat rat at the mall and let him scare the hell out of them. Now listen, atleast one of you humans is saying, "hey this guy just said he went to see santa a few times when he was a kid". YES that is true!!! But back when I was a kid (700 years ago) people werent quite as sick in the head as they are now. Back then, the santas were just drunks haha. Now days, they are probably convicted serial killers with a body in their trunk and body parts in their damn santa suit pockets.

Santa used to be cool but for some reason, santa claus is bad now. If you see him flying around with his stupid sleigh, I would surely tell you to aim for his head and put a few in it.

Happy Holidays and uh, you dumb bastards had best begin shopping cause its getting close. Dont rely on Santa cause well, hes at the bar drinking scotch and soda and reading a hustler magazine before his shift at the local mall as child rapist uh, I mean santa.